Yesterday, I ordered the luggage scale that will determine what actually goes into our suitcases and thus, what comes with us on our new adventure. I'm nervous because like other measurements, my perception of weight is not accurate... I learned this the hard way when I thought I was carrying a 40 lb monitor to the recycling station scale & it turned out to weigh 65 lbs... Yeah, I'm good with measurements too. Thank goodness I teach English & not math, and just wait until I have to learn the metric system.
At the same time as I struggled with things - I have learned of friends struggling with more difficult problems, medical, emotional, etc. and then I read a fellow LT's (licensed teacher heading to the UAE) blog post and her reflections on "The Things They Carried." I've read O'Brien's book several times, and taught it a few as well. "They carried all they could bear, and then some, including a silent awe for the terrible power of the things they carried." Each time, I've been struck by the importance of the intangibles that are carried within us, the visible and the invisible. The last few days, the weight of this has settled around me. Today, I was asked, once again, if it was difficult to let go of the things that I have surrounded my life with, and it was easy to say, no. But there are some things I will not and am unable to let go. Many of these things are intangible and most of these, thank goodness, are things that fill me with joy, but I also carry some things that create darkness and heartbreak, and yes, even pain. Some things are easier to carry than others...
O'Brien later says, "And in the end, of course, a true war story is never about war. It's about sunlight. It's about the special way that dawn spreads out on a river when you know you must cross the river and march into the mountains and do things you are afraid to do. It's about love and memory. It's about sorrow. It's about sisters who never write back and people who never listen." This is true of life as well. It is hard when the darkness settles to think beyond, to feel it will ever end, but it is not the darkness that life is about. Life is about those moments that we cherish, the moments that we hold close to our hearts and give us strength to endure and overcome. Today, I was reminded of this by talking to people who have faced incredible hardships, and continue to share and spread joy; by watching my daughter and her friends splash in a glistening lake; talking to mothers who share the understanding that children are treasures; a woman who recognizes me because she adored my brother in high school - when he was perhaps his most trouble; and the realization that my luggage scale will only be weighing a small piece of what will be coming with me.
2 comments:
Wow Jazz that is a very good way to put it. A lot of us these days think of ourselfs as our possestions and not what we carry inside. I am sure that this may be one of the hardest parts of your adventure. It seems as though you have got it all together now. I must say I may need to get a copy off that book. Very well written. And that bit on the brother it really doesn't surprise me. Get a lot of that around here.
Well said Jasmine. I am feeling the weight of the world as we wait. My husband said to me today that I may need to go somewhere for a bit so that he isn't annoyed with my not so patient waiting. :)
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